Not knowing is a fundamentalist’s worst nightmare.
The fundamentalist Christian is certain the bible is THE truth, thus everything the Bible teaches is to be believed and theoretically obeyed.
This view can easily, and readily be dispatched by showing that that no Christian actually believes and practices all of the Bible. I repeat, NO CHRISTIAN. When challenged on the truth of this the Christian will attempt to explain away their inconsistencies by appealing to “no one is perfect” or some nifty hermeneutical trickery that allows them to not practice all of the Bible.
Part of my extended family are know-it-all Christians. They have the King James Bible. which is the inerrant, inspired Word of God. It tells them everything they need to know.
Let me illustrate this with a short discussion that took place on Facebook.
A member of my family posted:
“I don’t understand religion when it gets to the point where the beyond commands the present, because then the present doesn’t have any sense. In Spain it is a big fear, a bummer, our mortality. Myself, i really need to know and face mortality: i am this, i am me, i am now. The rest, I don’t know. and that’s the point -… to be okay with not knowing.” Javier Bardem in Elle Magazine
One member of my family said:
That dude was awesome in No Country For Old Men!
And then the fun begins
The Fundamentalist Baptist Evangelist’s wife said:
That is one of the saddest statements I have ever read. You CAN KNOW…its all in the Bible!”
The agnostic, former Baptist Preacher of 25 years said :
Arrogance says “I know”. Wisdom and humility says “I don’t know.” Accepting the Bible as truth is a “faith” claim, which is fine for those who want to believe the Bible. No one can know that what the Bibles says is true. They believe it… is true by faith. No one can “prove” there is a God, a heaven, or a hell. (empirical proof)
That’s why I like this quote. It encourages us to focus on the here and now and reminds us that we are mortal and we are going to die. To paraphrase the one Christian ditty “only one life twill soon be past only what’s done today will matter.” Live life to the fullest today. It is the only one you have.
Then the I am going to be a preacher wife someday extended family member said:
It must be tuff (sic) to be against God and the Bible.Not a place I would want to be.
This little Facebook discussion aptly describes the current state of affairs for my wife and I with my wife’s extended family. They have destroyed the family relationship because they can not see beyond their fundamentalist religious beliefs. In their world everyone is either on their side or an enemy of God. Either you believe like they do or you are wrong, and most likely headed for hell.
Keep in mind the the evangelist’s wife and the future preacher wife have NEVER talked to my wife or I about the reasons why we left the Christian faith. Never. Not one time. In fact, 2 years after THE letter, not one family member on my wife’s side has said one word to us about our leaving the Christian faith. No attempt has been made to understand our decision.
Instead, they gossip behind our backs. They scour Facebook for offending comments and posts and then share them with my wife’s elderly parents. (who are not on the internet) They “pray” for us but that’s just another way of saying “we know you are wrong and we are asking God to help you see the light.”
What my wife’s family has shown is that the only thing that matters to them, the only reason for their existence is Jesus. Relationships that don’t lead to Jesus don’t matter. In other words. we have become collateral damage in their quest to be true to Jesus.
Yet, our extended family will be surprised when they don’t see us for the holidays. I am sure my in-laws will make some excuse for us. After all, having someone in the family who is sick makes for a great excuse. “They wanted to be here but Bruce has been so sick lately”. The real truth is, we are tired of everything being about religion and for me personally the ugliness of it does make me sick. The undercurrent, the overtones, and subtle one liners all add to the difficulties I already have.
The future preacher wife suggests that I am in a tuff (sic) place:
- Against God
- Against the Bible
My wife’s family believes that their version of God it THE God and that their interpretation of the Bible is THE truth. It is their version of God we reject and their interpretation of the Bible we reject.
Yet, they are almost as atheistic as we are.
Richard Dawkins said:
An atheist is just somebody who feels about Yahweh the way any decent Christian feels about Thor or Baal or the golden calf. As has been said before, we are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.
My wife’s family would not be satisfied if we became moderate, progressive or liberal Christians. They would not be satisfied if we became Hindu or worshipped one of the many other Gods. No, it is their God and their truth or nothing.
The tale I write here is not unique. Most people who defect from fundamentalist Christianity go through similar problems. When you are a part of a family that is so vested in one truth it is hard for any defection to amiable.
One truth that seems to evade many fundamentalist Christian family members is that we don’t NEED them in our lives. We want to have a relationship with them. We want to know how their lives are, how their kids are. We want to have a relationship that transcends religion. We want to……….but we don’t need to. At this point in our lives we still work real hard to keep a relationship with my wife’s parents. That’s important. It is very hard to do sometimes, but we keep working at it.
The rest of the family? Keep your religion to yourself. If you can’t or won’t do that then we are not interested in have any further relationship with you. We can become like so many other families fractured by narrow-minded religious bigotry………see you at funerals.
One thing for certain we will all share as family members whether we want to or not……..death. 25 years from now, and 50 predictions gone wrong about the end of the world later, many family members will be but distant memories from the past. It will be too bad that conflict over religion will dominate the memories. I want to be remembered for more than just the “preacher who became an atheist and ruined his life.” Yes, I was a preacher, and a good one, for a long, long time. Yes, I am no longer a preacher. Yes, I don’t believe in the Christian god. Yes, I don’t believe the Christian Bible to be truth.
And Yes, I am a decent, kind person who loves his wife of 32 years, his six children and his grandchildren. I am a person that has much to offer the the world and the family. It grieves me greatly that my life has been reduced by some to whether or not I believe a certain, narrow, and defined set of religious propositions.
We can’t do anything to change this. We don’t evangelize and the other side of the family can’t not evangelize. They are under orders from God to hunt down the enemy and slay them. (metaphorically speaking) All my wife and I want to do is have some form of family relationship where religion is not front and center in everything.
I should make it clear that I do not speak for my children, any of them. They are free to be who and whatever they want to be. They are free to have whatever relationship they want to have with family. I am happy if they are happy. I do speak for my wife to the degree that we commonly share the feelings and beliefs I have expressed in this post. She too is free, free to be who and whatever she wants to be. If she is happy, I am happy.
